Racehorse TALK

This lady should be runner up but was placed 9th by the judge. [ ERROR: SPECIFIED ATTACHMENT MISSING ]

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This is another good effort well worthy of showing on this distinguished web site [ ERROR: SPECIFIED ATTACHMENT MISSING ]

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The first woman actually looks quite proud of her effort. 
Looking at it again, I think I would too. 

The Airport Solution



Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial.  Justice would be quick and swift.  Case closed!

This is so simple that it's brilliant.  I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.



Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number..."

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town,
he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment,
turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much
more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove,

the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.

He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone

(Thank god for mobile phones!).

'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.

It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'

'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep,

'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'

Have a nice day.....

COWS

Is it just me, or  does anyone else find it amazing  that
During the mad cow  epidemic our government could track  a
Single cow, born in Bourke almost  three years ago,  right
To the stall where  she slept in the state of  Victoria?
And, they even  tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable  to locate 25,000 illegal  immigrants wandering around our  country.
Maybe we should give  each of them a  cow.

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
It would be a win-win for everyone: no need for expensive scanners or having fat security staff look at you naked and, best of all, you don't have to sit there sweating every time one of the towel heads goes for a piss on the plane.

a Man spots Tiger Woods filling up his new BMW at the garage and says ''Are you Tiger Woods?'' Tiger replies ''Yes I am''
He then sees some Golf tees lying on Tiger's seat and asks '' What are those for?''
Tiger says ''I rest my balls on them when I drive''
The man goes '' Those guys at BMW really go out of their way to ensure driver comfort these days''.

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humor.

A man walks into an Ann Summers shop and asks for a see-through Negligee, size 48-50-56.
The shop assistant looks at him and asks, "Why the  would you wanna see through that?"

Know any jokes that puts men down, mate??   

I am a woman ..... mate 

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men".
So he stabs her & nicks her purse.

I'm a woman, and I'm tired of you all claiming that men are smarter than women.

My husband has finally proven you all wrong.

He texted me just before - "Jane my little blonde bunny I cannot wait to have a night of loving tonight! Hope you're ready for the best sex you've ever had . xxx"

What an idiot. First of all, my name is Sarah, secondly I'm brunette, and thirdly he's away at a conference tonight!

The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: It is not permissible to make eye contact when watching porn with your mates. Furthermore, this is only one of two circumstances under which it is allowed to have an erection with friends in the room, the other being when you are 'spit roasting' a woman.
28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws