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CHUGGERS GRANDFATHER LIFE - Blogs - Racehorse TALK

Author Topic: CHUGGERS GRANDFATHER LIFE  (Read 39015 times)

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Offline chuggers

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« 2011-May-03, 06:38 PM Reply #50 »
THE HORTH WHITHPERER

A bloke calls his mate, the horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

So, the dwarf shows up, and the breeder asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith looking horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the breeder picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks up the little fella up again. and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?

The breeder is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

Totally mad at this point, the breeder grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

'Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebbit?'


  :lol:   8-)

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-May-06, 07:39 PM Reply #51 »
Arsenal should like this one.....

A husband & wife are siting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question:-

What would you do if I died ? Would you get married again ?

Husband: Definitely not !

Why not ? Don't you like being married ?

Husband: Of course I do...

Then why wouldn't you remarry ?

Husband: OK, OK, I'd get married again.

You would ? (with a hurt look)

Husband: Males audible groan

Would you live in our house ?

Husband: Sure, its a great house.

Would you sleep with her in our bed ?

Husband: Where else would you sleep ?

Would you let her drive my car ?

Husband: Probably, its almost new.

Would you replace my pictures with hers ?

Husband:That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Would you give her my jewellery ?

Husband: No, I'm sure she would want her own.

Would you take her golfing with you ?

Husband: yes, those are always good times.

Would she use my clubs ?

Husband: No, she's left handed.

Silence

Husband "Shit".

 8-)



« Last Edit: 2011-May-06, 08:07 PM by chuggers »

Offline Arsenal

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« 2011-May-08, 08:57 AM Reply #52 »
  :lol:

Offline gratlog

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« 2011-May-13, 10:20 AM Reply #53 »
Good to see Chugger is now a word in scrabble  :lol:


Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jun-01, 11:06 PM Reply #54 »
I wanted to make my 5000 post profound---but I'm a couple off--thats ok.

I  had  a big change in my life in joining this forum--I do not go out to the pubs for opinion.

The Mrs thought---who are you talking too---better than talking to someone in a pub that you don't know.

When I first joined this forum--idiots like Sporty & OL--latched on---I took that on---but we know--what happened there--but I still knew there was special people on this forum--and I found that out when I came to the Brissie Bash 2010.

Some special people--Grats,Spudda,DD,Noton,The-Kid,RH,Vintage,Rich,TSM,Trips--shite--I'm gonna upset some people--that I have missed--but I still mean well--then wanda up in Dec, 2010--DD & Norton--give me & the Mrs the royalty treatment--and we meet more forumites--Mono,Vadim, Trips,  etc..even some jockeys   :lol: ---did not have time to talk to all--due to the situation--you are all good people--and thank you for taking the time out to be with me.

See you in a few weeks--and shite--I hope some horses--the forumites knows can get up---then party    :lol:

 :beer:


Offline gratlog

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« 2011-Jun-02, 07:18 AM Reply #55 »
Chuggers, what day are you arriving in the Sunshine State ?

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jun-02, 05:54 PM Reply #56 »
Chuggers, what day are you arriving in the Sunshine State ?

Thursday Arvo arrive at airport around 2pm.
I would like to catch up but I aware of the arvo traffic problems---coming from your area.

Maybe come early Friday and I shout ya a morning tea ??

Flying back Sunday morn.  I do intend going back up later in the year and having a one/two week stint Brissie/Gold Coast.

 8-)

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jun-14, 06:59 PM Reply #57 »
I was at Hungry Jacks a few weeks ago and noticed six muslim women lined up for a feed. They were dressed in the appropriate muslim dress and I notice a bright radiance among them while they were eating.

After leaving I saw another group down the street and that same glow was not there.

I thought about that for a while on why the difference  :chin:

Eventually, I concurred that:-

>

>


>


>

>

THE BURKA'S ARE BETTER AT HUNGRY JACKS[/b]


 :beer:








Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jun-29, 10:05 PM Reply #58 »
I am proud to announce that for the first time--I'm going to be a Grandfather   :bop:

I saw the ultra sound and said to the lovely---there is 2 heads---are they Tasmanians---yep, I got a slap---nup--twins   :clap2:

So, from around end of January--every visit is double the price.

Now I am not right up with this but the twins will not be identical--as they are in "two sacks"--I hope I have the language right   :chin:

Don't know the sex yet--but I will be known as "Popper Chuggers".

That puts another edge to my life that I thought would never happen--I am very proud for my Mrs. Juggers and myself.

I'm going to teach the kids not to punt--I think that is the best lesson.

 :beer:

Offline omnitrader

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« 2011-Jun-29, 10:23 PM Reply #59 »
  :clap2:  :clap2:  :noteworthy:  :clap2:

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jun-29, 10:29 PM Reply #60 »
  :clap2:  :clap2:   :noteworthy:   :clap2:

Yes mate---a few tears dripping--could not believe I am living this dream/life to this stage.

 :beer:

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jul-05, 06:53 PM Reply #61 »
One night Baby Balloon wants to hop into bed with Daddy & Mummy Ballon but he struggles to fit in between them so he very quietly reaches across and lets some air out of Daddy Balloon. Still he can't quite fit, so he then lets some out out of Mummy Balloon, before finally letting some air out of himsekf so he fits very snugly between Mummy & Daddy. Next morning Mummy wakes up is very cross with baby.

"I am very disappointed with you," she tells him, "because not only have you let Dad down and you have let me down but, worst of all, you have let yourself down".

 :beer:

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jul-07, 07:23 PM Reply #62 »
The producers of Vigara are changing the colour to Maroon since nothing Blue coloured has abled to hardon up since 2005

Suck it up NSW

   :lol:  
« Last Edit: 2011-Jul-08, 08:22 PM by chuggers »

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Jul-24, 08:12 PM Reply #63 »
I was in a tavern that I have never been to on the weekend and in the TAB section and there was a 90yo bloke sitting with me.

We talk----as you do--and he said "I worked out very early on that I was not a good punter"  I replied "why is that ?"

He said " I backed Germany in the 1st & 2nd World Wars"

Now--that was clever from a fella I have never met    :lol:

 :beer:


Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Aug-23, 10:11 PM Reply #64 »
My favorite song---do you know the words---One verse at a time......

Long Long time ago---I can remember how the music use to make me cry.....

 :beer:

Online westie

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« 2011-Aug-23, 10:34 PM Reply #65 »
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they'd be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn't take one more step.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock 'n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin' in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin',
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
And singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone,
But that's not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
And singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
And singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil's only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan's spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
And singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn't play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "this'll be the day that I die."


Offline ratsack

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« 2011-Aug-23, 10:38 PM Reply #66 »
my favorite to  :clap2:
one verse at a time  :chin:

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Aug-23, 10:50 PM Reply #67 »

one verse at a time  :chin:

Didn't happen---ah well--will try on on another song at a later point.

 :beer:

Offline ricochet88

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« 2011-Aug-24, 07:50 AM Reply #68 »
Your intelligence shows on the forum all the time WESTIE , but now you have shown you have an impeccable taste in music as well .

                Ricochet 

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Sep-07, 09:52 PM Reply #69 »
I saw a post by Arsenal and thought to share some thinking,


Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Sep-26, 08:05 PM Reply #70 »
I was stopped by the Police the other day around 2 a.m and was asked where was I going at that time of night.

I said:- " I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked me, "Really ?? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

I replied, "That would be my wife"

 :beer:

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Nov-02, 09:54 PM Reply #71 »
I decided I would share my thoughts on the last week leading up to and including the Sydney Bash.....

A lot of peoples mentioned the hard work in preparation--honestly--Praiseworthy made it so easy--he was terrific--then at the end a few pulled out--disappointing--but that is natural when you organise these things--Praiseworthy was good and said do your best to fill them---cause we had the room booked out--40 people---so a few of my friends came cause of the scratchings---I scratched my head--with what we were offered--how come we could not fill it....maybe after the successsful day this year..that should not happen.

I was so pleased with the Queenslanders coming down--that was a big plus--and from all reports it was worth the effort.  DD made a late decision to come and you all know the grand report that he gave--of all the meetings you have been to and you say--it was one to not forget for a long time--thats a big rap   :clap2:--these Bannana benders are good company---and if any of you decide to go up there--I can  guarantee you will be very well looked after.

We had a new formuite in Whispering who came with his lovely wife and I am pretty sure he was impressed with what he seen. Whispering---I'd like to get you thoughts on this being first time. You seem to have enjoyed yourself--anything we should do different ??

To all forumites--this was a very successful day---and everyone that come--I am sure EVERYONE of them and their partners treated it as a special & enjoyable day--lets keep this going and lets try to make next year even better. I am keen on any thoughts to improve next year....

 :beer:



 

Offline chuggers

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« 2011-Dec-05, 07:04 PM Reply #72 »
Chuggers & Juggers are now grandparents 10am this morning.  Twins--7 weeks premature---but are busting out for life.

All is good so far---boy is 3.5 lbs (1.6 kgs) and girl is 3.1 lbs (1.4 kgs)--tiny babies yes--but so far so good.

Photos coming soon.

The other grandparents will not allow me to put a TAB ticket in his hands to allow "the feel"...  :lol:   :lol:   :lol:

They said--tipical Chuggers.......

Poppy  Chuggers------LOL--gotta get use to that ......

 :beer:

Offline dubbledee

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« 2011-Dec-05, 07:08 PM Reply #73 »
 :clap2:  :clap2:

 :beer:  ())=(

Offline monologue

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« 2011-Dec-05, 07:14 PM Reply #74 »
Congratulations chuggers and juggers.

That's two more for the Sydney bash of 2029. :thumbsup:


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