Hope this will be better than mills & boon !
Missus and I decided to trip to Sunshine Coast but must have taken wrong turn somewhere and ended up in a funny little town called Gympie. Dropped into pleasant little corner sports bar, ordered a jar and some food and sat back to enjoy.Had been there 15 mins or so when the waiter, who looked like he was just out of nappies, sidled over looking very nervous.
''Excuse me, sir '' said he, ''but the chef has noticed you are not wearing any footwear.''
''That's very observant of him,'' I replied, ''but I'm sure it won't detract from my enjoyment of his food. But if it does, assure him I will let him know''.
''Unfortunately,'' said the lad, ''he has instructed me not to serve you until you are appropriately attired. He could lend you his thongs perhaps?''
''No I don't think so - I don't know him. He might have all sorts of fungal conditions''.
''Well, would you mind popping down the road and buying some shoes?'' the boy ventured, looking as if he wished the beautifully polished floor would swallow him up.
Yes, I said, I would mind. I've got a better idea - you give me my money back and I'll go somewhere else.....
Down the road a bit we found a pleasant little cafe. I 'm not wearing shoes, is that problem, I asked.
''Nah,'' the waitress grinned, ''just keep your pants on, darl''
Later in the day I dropped into a couple of bars, one to have a bet and the other to watch my horse win. Staff in both bars mentioned my lack of footwear. Health and safety regs, apparently, if a glass is broken and I cut my foot I could sue. Of course, I could cut my foot while wearing thongs, I could sue anyway.
Ironically while I was leaving the first bar I noticed another diner tucking into his meal. His feet were as naked as a baby's! Then, he was only three months old...............